Ezra:

who drew this awesome shit

Ezra:

canonically

Bernard Blackbrass:

The oreads before us.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Oread children.

Bernard Blackbrass:

We murdered their parent.

Ezra:

i honestly can't bring myself to delete that sonic though

Ezra:

i can't stop staring at that sonic

Ezra:

whats it doing to me

Ezra:

i feel a little uncomfortable to be honest

Bernard Blackbrass:

Gotta go Gotta go Gotta go fast Gotta go fast That's No Gotta Go Fast

Ezra:

its looking back

Golurk:

you are now fascinated

Last time, the party fi...actually, I'll just let Drufle tell you.

The Evil Saga! ~~ Chapter 14: Just Say No (To Brass)

The Drufle:

Last time, the party finally met the fabled Majri!

The Drufle:

He was not a very nice person.

Bernard Blackbrass:

He was a bitch, said Brass.

The Drufle:

Accurate statement.

Ezra:

He was also incredibly hot.

The Drufle:

So, with knowledge of the crazy mask in hand, they now need to reach the island of Oedipia.

The Drufle:

How? Let's find out now.

Bernard Blackbrass:

it's the ganon man, can't shake the ganon man.

Ezra:

"I say we build the Airboat."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Shut the fuck up. Boats can't fly."

Ezra:

"All we need is a bunch of wings, probably."

Hina Takahashi:

« HPChange = ChangeHP = HPChange = 25 = 25 » « HpReport1 = "" = HpReport1 = "" =  » « HpReport2 = "" = HpReport2 = "" =  » « TempReport1 = "" = TempReport1 = "" =  » « TempReport2 = "" = TempReport2 = "" =  » « TempLost = "" = TempLost = "" =  » « TempPlusChange = 0 = TempPlusChange = 0 = 0 » Gained 25 HP! 51 / 51 HP remaining...

Bernard Blackbrass:

"That's a terrible idea."

Bernard Blackbrass:

(Ah the limits of scientific imagination.)

Hina Takahashi:

"Besides, this entire wagon is made of stone."

Ezra:

"Maybe I just want to kill some birds."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"So do I, but come on. Heavy vehicles will never fly!"

Seishi Honekawa:

"Maybe look for some help?"

Ezra:

"There's not much help on Malor."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Let's ask the fire man."

Ezra:

"We could ask Sand King for advice."

Seishi Honekawa:

"This 'empty' landmass is full of surprises"

Seishi Honekawa:

"Mostly horrible surprises, but who would've thought there' are palaces and carts full of weirdos in here."

Hina Takahashi:

"Can the Sand King really help us anymore? He doesn't seem like he'd have much in the way of air transportation."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Who are you calling a weirdo, weirdo."

Ezra:

"I guess not, and he only really knows about his own part of Malor anyway."

Ezra:

"We should've jumped on those flying robots."

Ezra:

"That would have been fun."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"That would have gotten you killed."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Me, I would have been fine."

Ezra:

what with your 11 ac

The Drufle:

Right, the flying robots that only 3 of you know about.

The Drufle:

Well, 4, now that Tekton is like half awake.

Seishi Honekawa:

Robots?"

Seishi Honekawa:

"

Ezra:

"Oh, yeah, there...there were robots."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"It was a battalion of them and it was totally..."

Ezra:

"And they flew away."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"...metal."

Ezra:

"That's it really."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Yeeeeah."

Seishi Honekawa:

"???"

Ezra:

"Oh good she completely understands."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"You finish my zombie yet."

* Seishi Honekawa tends to zombie tekton

Seishi Honekawa:

wait i should relocate

Seishi Honekawa:

it's too dark in here

Ezra:

How about Real Tekky

Ezra:

Real Tekky, please stand up.

The Drufle:

Real Tekton is technically alive right now, but he's kind of tired.

The Drufle:

He's asleep at the moment.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Hey asshole, wake up."

Ezra:

"He'll be done soon."

Ezra:

"I guess he still needs energy before he can actually move."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"We should feed him one of the zhyens."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"That gets me going."

Ezra:

"They don't even eat."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"They should."

Ezra:

"They've got the mouths for it I guess."

Ezra:

"But where does the food go?"

The Drufle:

Also I should mention before anyone tries to ask; the zhyens don't know any way to get to Oedipia.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"In its belly. Plant stomachs."

Ezra:

"If they don't eat, then they won't have bellies..."

The Drufle:

They barely understand what water is.

Seishi Honekawa:

geography checks then

Ezra:

well, i completely misinterpreted Brass just now.

Seishi Honekawa:

quick

Ezra:

so thats that

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Well then..."

Ezra:

this conversation has fallen apart

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Let's ask Veilwar."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Veilwar i'm starving."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"So is Tekton."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Also how'd you get here again? I wasn't really interested the last time you explained it."

Ezra:

"On the subject of getting to Oedipia, we don't have anything right now. So we should just keep wandering like we were before."

The Drufle:

Veilwar doesn't seem to want to talk.

The Drufle:

In fact, he seems to be in a trance.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"..."

* Bernard Blackbrass wanders away from him then.

The Drufle:

So it has been one day since you met Majri.

The Drufle:

Time has passed.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Can we go ask Majri?"

Ezra:

We're all a little older now

Ezra:

yes

Ezra:

good idea

The Drufle:

Actually, you're on the mainland once more.

Bernard Blackbrass:

did we catch any fish

Bernard Blackbrass:

did we see submarines

The Drufle:

No, because that is a stupid idea.

Ezra:

we saw nemo

Ezra:

and that crab friend of his

The Drufle:

You cannot catch things from an airtight submersible.

Ezra:

the singing jamacian one

Bernard Blackbrass:

i'll psion some way

Bernard Blackbrass:

somehow

Bernard Blackbrass:

psions

Bernard Blackbrass:

Where are we anyway.

Ezra:

craft a fishing rod already

Ezra:

Like, up a bit?

The Drufle:

You are on the mainland, quite on the west coast.

The Drufle:

Hina took you through the spires again so you're back on the wastes.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"What are we having for breakfast?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

(Brass tries to hide that he eats sand and rocks, but no one saw him eat.)

The Drufle:

The party's next destination is up to you guys.

Seishi Honekawa:

streak where is ghost tekton

Seishi Honekawa:

let's use that for zombie tekton

Seishi Honekawa:

alternatively

Seishi Honekawa:

that negative color tekton

Seishi Honekawa:

we ate nemo

Bernard Blackbrass:

No not negative.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Let's color him grey.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Greyscale, so he looks undead.

Bernard Blackbrass:

With red streaks.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Yeah that's good for undead right

The Drufle:

Sure.

Ezra:

did that work

The Drufle:

Yes.

Bernard Blackbrass:

I don't like that.

The Drufle:

There is ghostly tekton.

Ezra:

do you want me to make it green or something

Bernard Blackbrass:

Yes.

Bernard Blackbrass:

And not holding a sign.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Yes I would like that.

The Drufle:

So does the party have any ideas at the present?

Bernard Blackbrass:

Do you really want to hear any from Brass? Really?

The Drufle:

Given that you have no plan at the moment, any option is preferable.

Bernard Blackbrass:

(That's the right answer.)

Bernard Blackbrass:

"We stick by the shore."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"This boiling water can't go on forever, and I want to know where it ends."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"It does us no good if we charge randomly out to the inner lands. We can presume Arali is out."

Hina Takahashi:

"I agree. There's not much left for us in the mainland that we know of."

Ezra:

zombie tekton

Seishi Honekawa:

no put it in the folder

Seishi Honekawa:

geography checks

Seishi Honekawa:

for shortcuts

Seishi Honekawa:

put the picture in the folder

Ezra:

but i don't feel like it

Seishi Honekawa:

>:[

The Drufle:

You can make knowledge checks if you'd like.

The Drufle:

I can't promise that they'll help, but you can make them.

Ezra:

okay its in the folder but its not 128x128 its 64x64

Bernard Blackbrass:

I don't need to make Knowledge checks!!!

The Drufle:

You don't?

Ezra:

I'll roll my Nobility Check!

* Ezra rolls: 1d20+2 => 4 + 2 = 6

The Drufle:

Mhm.

Ezra:

"Kings are dumb. I've been thinkin'."

Bernard Blackbrass:

I'll roll my Knowledge (Politics) check.

* Brass rolls: 1d20+20+20 => 14 + 20 + 20 = 54

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I agree. It's the Jesters and Viziers that rule."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"..."

The Drufle:

I'm sure you could be knowing something more productive.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Can't beat Clown Politics.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Could save your life.

Ezra:

Okay then Knowledge Local

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Do we have a map?"

* Ezra rolls: 1d20+2 => 2 + 2 = 4

Ezra:

"who carved these drawings"

The Drufle:

Yes, you have a map.

The Drufle:

It's marked with various locations, including where Oedipia is.

The Drufle:

Your real problem is figuring out how to get there.

Bernard Blackbrass:

See!! I didn't need them!

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I say we drive straight there."

Ezra:

"Don't you spill anything on that map."

The Drufle:

I never said you guys needed to find out where it is.

The Drufle:

You found that out last session.

The Drufle:

Now you get to decide how to get there.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"After catching some fish."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"We need to make sure everyone can eat."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Fucking squid."

Ezra:

"That zombie's looking real nice."

Ezra:

"Brass get off"

Ezra:

"You look silly."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I know I do, i'm dripping acid and on it too."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Hello Tekton!'

Bernard Blackbrass:

Why does it have a speed of 40?

The Drufle:

?

The Drufle:

The zombie?

The Drufle:

How is it that fast.

Ezra:

It's one of the Waking Dead kinda zombies

Bernard Blackbrass:

Those zombies were slow.

Bernard Blackbrass:

I think you mean Left 4 Dead.

Ezra:

I just actually guessed

Ezra:

Oh well

Ezra:

but yeah

Ezra:

gotta check your franchise

The Drufle:

Yup.

Ezra:

Now, is this one a bitey, a disease, cannibalism, or mushroom caused

The Drufle:

Magic, I believe.

Ezra:

Well thats a new one

Seishi Honekawa:

"If you really want this creature to help, you should give it some weapons."

Seishi Honekawa:

magic

Seishi Honekawa:

no that's the original one

Ezra:

Well I've still got a wakizashi im not using

Seishi Honekawa:

"By the way, does this organization have a name?"

Seishi Honekawa:

(it can only use what tekton can use)

Seishi Honekawa:

(simple weapons)

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Not yet."

Bernard Blackbrass:

(Is it because Tekton can use it?)

Ezra:

Do we have any spare simple weapons then

Bernard Blackbrass:

I did make a stone club.

Seishi Honekawa:

duck

Ezra:

I know Hina has lots of weapons

Bernard Blackbrass:

We're not naming it duck.

Ezra:

Team Rose?

Bernard Blackbrass:

We're not naming it Team Rose. Follow me inside, outside, through the stratosphere

Ezra:

I thought that song was...catchy...

Seishi Honekawa:

no i meant

Seishi Honekawa:

duck, as a weapon

Ezra:

"Teams don't really need names, do they?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

We all dance in fire, trapped in this machine. Don't know how long we've waited, as the Eggman's watching.

Ezra:

"Just makes us easier to track."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"That's true."

The Drufle:

So as for the actual predicament, there's one vote for full-ocean deepboating.

Seishi Honekawa:

for the record zombie tekton only obeys me so dont even try

Ezra:

"In my head I just call you 'the others' or something."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"We shall be 'The Brain'."

Ezra:

"I'm never saying that but fine, whatever."

* Bernard Blackbrass smiles at Ezra smugly. "For now."

Seishi Honekawa:

today, the brain.

Ezra:

"Brass, are you using that club of yours? Maybe the zombie can use that."

Seishi Honekawa:

tomorrow, the SPLEEN.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Sure he can have it."

Seishi Honekawa:

"Take it from the nice man."

* Bernard Blackbrass hands over the stone baseball bat.

Ezra:

"He's quieter than the real thing."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Actually..."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Can't it use its fists?"

Seishi Honekawa:

now it can full attack

Bernard Blackbrass:

It could already do that, it had two slams.

Seishi Honekawa:

oh

Seishi Honekawa:

??

Bernard Blackbrass:

Heck it's doing less damage now.

Seishi Honekawa:

it just says one slam

Bernard Blackbrass:

Two arms. Oh. Hm.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Okay one slam I guess.

Bernard Blackbrass:

But still, it doesn't need a club.

Seishi Honekawa:

or does "gain a slam attack" automatically mean two

Bernard Blackbrass:

We'll say one slam.

Ezra:

Drufle, are we moving?

Seishi Honekawa:

if it full attacks it can club, slam and co that extra slam

Seishi Honekawa:

*do

Seishi Honekawa:

from its quick strikes

Bernard Blackbrass:

Does natural weapon work like that... hang on.

Seishi Honekawa:

that's how it works right

The Drufle:

Ezra" no.

The Drufle:

:

The Drufle:

The wagon is stopped at the moment.

The Drufle:

Mostly because Hina is too busy discussing how you're going to cross an ocean.

Ezra:

We have no way

Seishi Honekawa:

where is oedipia anyway

Ezra:

so we're going to just wander around

Ezra:

its on the map

Ezra:

across an ocean

The Drufle:

You guys know precisely where it is.

The Drufle:

And honestly, deepboating there is possible.

Seishi Honekawa:

where??

Ezra:

But that sounds very silly

The Drufle:

If you guys seriously can't think of what to do, I can offer some hints.

Bernard Blackbrass:

http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monster-listings/undead/zombie/zombie-fast

Seishi Honekawa:

no

Bernard Blackbrass:

It is two slams.

Seishi Honekawa:

hey wait

Ezra:

we'll get attacked by deepwhales

Seishi Honekawa:

we completly missed that river system

Seishi Honekawa:

i drew

Bernard Blackbrass:

But that's thanks to quick strikes.

Seishi Honekawa:

it was so close to place the aeons went

The Drufle:

Ah, the rivers.

The Drufle:

I had almost forgotten about those.

The Drufle:

I can tell you right now that those rivers won't help you cross an ocean any faster.

Seishi Honekawa:

it actually leads to the bay

The Drufle:

In fact, there are really only two other options other than full-ocean deepboating.

Seishi Honekawa:

tunneling through the mountain

Seishi Honekawa:

i bet that would be a great adventure

Seishi Honekawa:

let's commit mass sudoku

Ezra:

sudoku sucks!

Ezra:

Maybe some airships, fully functional, got teleported to Malor

Seishi Honekawa:

so brass will give that club then??

Ezra:

and they're behind that large rock

The Drufle:

Are you sure you don't want any hints?

Ezra:

I wonder how often those ships come back

The Drufle:

The prison ships?

Ezra:

yeah

The Drufle:

They come across the ocean about once or twice a year.

The Drufle:

Depending on how bad the people are being.

Ezra:

Well, that's no good

Ezra:

Brass could ask his Question

Ezra:

ask how to get from here to oedipia and get google map directions

The Drufle:

Ooh, an interesting prospect!

The Drufle:

You do still have plenty of cards to pull.

The Drufle:

And I have my deck of cards right here!

Ezra:

Those cards are useless!!

Ezra:

Pah!

The Drufle:

You only say that because you haven't pulled the best ones.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"We need a library."

Seishi Honekawa:

like exodia, the forbidden one

The Drufle:

That is truly an option here- see if pulling a card will give you the ability to travel there.

The Drufle:

Not one of the two I was thinking of, though.

Ezra:

The chances are too slim, though.

The Drufle:

True, but still.

The Drufle:

Magic cards.

Bernard Blackbrass:

I'm pulling a card.

The Drufle:

oh

The Drufle:

Really?

Bernard Blackbrass:

I step outside first

The Drufle:

I should have seen that coming, honestly.

Ezra:

does he even have any hero points left

Bernard Blackbrass:

I tend to not spend them.

The Drufle:

Yeah, they refresh every time you level.

Seishi Honekawa:

can he even pull more cards

The Drufle:

You can pull as many as you want.

The Drufle:

And yes, he has not reached the limit.

Seishi Honekawa:

drufle you are a madman

Ezra:

refresh?

Seishi Honekawa:

>refresh every level >as many as you want

Ezra:

back to 3?

Ezra:

that's a crazy amount really

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Ezra come here."

Seishi Honekawa:

did you even think about that

The Drufle:

Well, you spend a hero point for each card you pull.

Bernard Blackbrass:

You get *one* per level.

Ezra:

"What! Why!"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I need to tell you something."

Hina Takahashi:

"Are we really doing this again?"

Ezra:

"What is it?"

Seishi Honekawa:

well it's your fault, drufle

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I'm going to draw a card."

Bernard Blackbrass:

Hey chill on Drufle.

The Drufle:

I'm speaking in character, silly.

Seishi Honekawa:

it should've been just one

Seishi Honekawa:

or three or something

Bernard Blackbrass:

"If I die here...

The Drufle:

The cards say that you are allowed to pull as many as you wish at a time.

Ezra:

"Are you sure about this?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Tell Seishi she is a butt."

Ezra:

"I can do that."

Ezra:

"But also"

The Drufle:

I'm playing this the way Enoa's gods would enjoy it.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Heck do that anyway."

Ezra:

"I think you might be addicted."

Ezra:

"To whatever."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I think you should draw it."

Seishi Honekawa:

i can confirm the gods are assholes

Ezra:

"I'm mildly concerned."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"This is great stuff."

* Seishi Honekawa is a worshipper of the god of murder

Ezra:

"Yeah see this is pretty similar to drugs."

Seishi Honekawa:

Perception Check At-Will • Wis Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + Perception + WisBonus = 4 + 2 + 3 = 9 »

The Drufle:

Brass: you only pull one card, correct?

Ezra:

"I'm getting vibes."

Ezra:

"And not from drugs."

Bernard Blackbrass:

I try and get Ezra to.

Seishi Honekawa:

what are they doin drufle

Bernard Blackbrass:

hahaha no I draw

The Drufle:

They seem to be arguing over something, Seishi.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"That's fine."

The Drufle:

Alright, one card coming up for Brass.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"The world would probably be better off without me."

Seishi Honekawa:

Perception Check At-Will • Wis Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + Perception + WisBonus = 19 + 2 + 3 = 24 »

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Because until i'm down, it's in danger."

Ezra:

"The world's always in danger though."

Ezra:

"It's a pretty big mess, really."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I want my cut."

The Drufle:

Alright, one second.

Ezra:

"Fixing Malor would cut out a lot of competition though."

The Drufle:

Time to figure out what this card does.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"You haven't ran."

The Drufle:

Oh.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"You... you've all come closer."

The Drufle:

Interesting.

Ezra:

"Oh, are they trying to hear?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Really I thought you'd all have more sense than that."

* Bernard Blackbrass draws.

Ezra:

"!!"

Seishi Honekawa:

Knowledge Arcana Check At-Will • Int Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + KnowledgeArcana + IntBonus = 17 + 4 + 1 = 22 »

The Drufle:

The card you pull shows a young woman sitting in what appears to be a royal court.

Bernard Blackbrass:

oh shit it's aelita

The Drufle:

She is dressed quite beautifully, and an older man stands behind her.

Seishi Honekawa:

the queen something

The Drufle:

The card is labelled "The Courtesan".

Seishi Honekawa:

h

Seishi Honekawa:

oh

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Well how's that."

The Drufle:

Now, for rolling!

The Drufle:

Not you, me.

Ezra:

"Do you feel anything?"

The Drufle:

He doesn't, no.

* Bernard Blackbrass stares at the card in mild shock.

The Drufle:

However, you do hear some mumbling from your back.

The Drufle:

Assuming that's where your greataxe is stowed, of course.

Bernard Blackbrass:

I don't turn around, that's predictable. I try and refresh my collective.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Yeah it is.

Seishi Honekawa:

your axe is now an intelligent item

Ezra:

"Um..."

Bernard Blackbrass:

Man, my collective is so big.

Bernard Blackbrass:

I can even reach Veilwar from here.

The Drufle:

You can't seem to gain control of the voice.

The Drufle:

It does sound a bit agitated though.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"You hear that?"

Ezra:

"Is that coming from you?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"There's not someone behind me?"

Ezra:

"No."

Seishi Honekawa:

"What are you doing?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Must be some ghost."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Go make sure it's not a ghost."

Hina Takahashi:

"What did you do, Brass?"

Ezra:

Can I roll perception?

The Drufle:

Yes.

* Ezra rolls: 1d20+4 => 4 + 4 = 8

Ezra:

sigh

Seishi Honekawa:

Perception Check At-Will • Wis Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + Perception + WisBonus = 18 + 2 + 3 = 23 »

The Drufle:

Seishi notices that the voice is coming from Brass' back.

The Drufle:

Also, there is nobody behind him.

Ezra:

"Hey, turn around."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I don't feel like it."

* Bernard Blackbrass mutters.

* Bernard Blackbrass does so anyway.

Ezra:

Can I tell what it is

Ezra:

I'm listening very closely now

The Drufle:

You can hear the voice more clearly now, yes.

Ezra:

I try take the axe off then

The Drufle:

Alright.

The Drufle:

You hear a gentlemanly male voice emanating from the greataxe.

The Drufle:

"My, this is quite a tight spot. Where am I?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Big Sven? Is that you?", said Brass without turning around.

The Drufle:

I'll just use this pog for now.

Big Sven:

"Who is this? Where am I?"

Seishi Honekawa:

oh goodie more company

Ezra:

"Your axe is talking."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Well I do tend to talk out of my axe a lot."

Ezra:

"Um...Axe? Hello?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

What is that? A dragon?

The Drufle:

No, it's actually a man in a golden helm.

The Drufle:

We could find a better picture to use later, but this is what I'm using for now.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"You are in Shifting Sand Land."

Big Sven:

"Hello! Do I hear the voice of a lady?"

Seishi Honekawa:

can the zombie pick a card

The Drufle:

Technically yes, he can.

The Drufle:

Well, wait.

Seishi Honekawa:

twist: the axe is lawful good

The Drufle:

Can he speak?

Bernard Blackbrass:

You should have him draw five.

Bernard Blackbrass:

No

Seishi Honekawa:

there's nothing in here that says zombies cant talk

The Drufle:

You have to somehow declare how many cards you'll pull.

Ezra:

"You seem to be inhabiting an axe at the moment, sir."

Bernard Blackbrass:

But, they only take simple commands like go, fight, crap like that.

Big Sven:

"An axe? Wonderful!"

Bernard Blackbrass:

They've got no INT.

Seishi Honekawa:

i can make it make a gesture with its fingers

Big Sven:

"I quite enjoy weaponry."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"So do I."

Seishi Honekawa:

lawful good axe pls

Ezra:

"Um...I'm Ezra, and the man's voice here is Brass. I guess he's your owner?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I studied all sorts of military stuff when I was young. Chess freak, they called me."

Ezra:

"Of the axe, at least."

Big Sven:

"Owner, hm? Interesting prospect."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Yeah I crafted this axe myself."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Made it giant-sized, but I can wield it."

Ezra:

"Do you have a name?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"What is your name?"

Big Sven:

"My name is Targus of the North. Greetings!"

Seishi Honekawa:

tardis

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Sweet."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Do you know about Malor?"

Seishi Honekawa:

we can use this to teleport to oedipia

Targus:

"Malor? Is that where I am? Good gods, am I in trouble."

Ezra:

I guess I was holding the axe, so I'll give it to Brass again now.

Bernard Blackbrass:

fuck that's let's teleport to asgard

Ezra:

"Well, we're trying to get off."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I am at least."

Targus:

"Excellent idea, friends."

Targus:

"Malor is a horrid place."

Targus:

"On another note, what year is it?"

Ezra:

its 2013

* Bernard Blackbrass looks puzzled.

The Drufle:

Since you guys don't actually have the timeline, it's 524 of the 5th empire.

Seishi Honekawa:

"It's the year of the Cow"

Ezra:

Okay well I tell him that

The Drufle:

(I do actually have a timeline here and everything.)

Seishi Honekawa:

"The flaming Hellcow"

Targus:

"Fifth empire?! By the gods, I have been gone for a time."

Targus:

"Everyone I know must be dead by this time, surely."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Except the vile Majri."

Targus:

"Ah well, most of them were utter ruts anyway."

Targus:

"Majri? He still lives?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Yeah but he's a bitch."

Targus:

"I was well aware of that, thank you."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I got his mask."

Targus:

"Mask?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Yeah he wanted some dumb mask. It's not even that fashionable. Broken crap."

Ezra:

"Something to do with the Lord of Flames?"

Targus:

"Ah yes, he was interested in the elemental planes. Odd man, he."

Targus:

"I was informed that he had died in Malor, however. Interesting that I was misinformed!"

Ezra:

"Now we're trying to get to Oedipus."

Ezra:

"Have you heard of that place?"

The Drufle:

SHORT INTERMISSION TO GET SATONA IN HERE

Ezra:

intermission

Ezra:

lets dress in green

Ezra:

and murder each other

Ezra:

you know zombie tekton looks like he's flipping us off

Ezra:

welll

Ezra:

the horses

The Drufle:

You know, you were incredibly lucky.

The Drufle:

I wasn't planning on having something this powerful be in your hands for a while.

Satonakaja has connected.

The Drufle:

Whoo!

Seishi Honekawa:

huzzah

Satonakaja:

what the hell are those

Seishi Honekawa:

has satonakaja even seen this character

The Drufle:

My, we're gonna do some recapping.

Ezra:

To sum up we have no idea how to get to Oedipus so Brass drew a card

The Drufle:

Oedipia, dolt.

Ezra:

because thats his answer to everything

Satonakaja:

are we now in penis land

The Drufle:

Oedipus is a character in greek mythology.

Seishi Honekawa:

we visited majri but he's a dick

The Drufle:

You are not, no.

The Drufle:

You're trying to get there.

Ezra:

anyway now his axe is talking

Hina Takahashi:

why are we going to penis land

Bernard Blackbrass:

Big Sven's Greataxe knows!

The Drufle:

Yes, Brass pulled a card and now his greataxe is inhabited by Targus of the North.

Ezra:

oh and tekton is a zombie

The Drufle:

You are going to penis land because Arali's talking book said so.

Ezra:

but New Tekton is almost fully grown

The Drufle:

Sort of.

Hina Takahashi:

why do we have a hedgehog and a whatthevertheheckthatis

The Drufle:

Streak got bored.

Ezra:

It's ancient carvings

Ezra:

under the rug

Bernard Blackbrass:

Hi Han!

Ezra:

very wise

The Drufle:

Have you been reading the logs or should I do a recap of the past 4 or so sessions?

Hina Takahashi:

i have been

The Drufle:

Wonderful! Less talking for me.

Hina Takahashi:

also becasue I'm horrible at doing things i still haven't leveled up

The Drufle:

No problem, I did it for you.

Hina Takahashi:

i should do that right no- oh

Hina Takahashi:

awesome, thanks

The Drufle:

You just need to put in your skill ranks.

Hina Takahashi:

okay then

Seishi Honekawa:

hello im a tengu but with birdface

The Drufle:

I didn't want to do that myself.

The Drufle:

And I assumed you would want the STR increase.

The Drufle:

You can change that if you like.

The Drufle:

Anyway, back to the conversation!

Ezra:

I asked him about Oedipia

Targus:

"Oedipia? Is that not where nutty old Freudicon left to retire?"

Hina Takahashi:

strength is great

Seishi Honekawa:

does seishi know about the cards

Targus:

"Why on earth would you want to go there?"

The Drufle:

Seishi does, yes.

Ezra:

"Freudicon? I've heard Majri really doesn't like him."

Seishi Honekawa:

oh ok

The Drufle:

She has been told of them during the long rides.

Ezra:

"Maybe he knows something about the mask."

Targus:

"Oh no, of course he doesn't."

Seishi Honekawa:

"Green one, you will draw two cards for me"

Targus:

"Bit of a little rivalry, those two."

Seishi Honekawa:

"Hold up two fingers!"

Targus:

"Think it had something to do with Majri being not truly human?"

Ezra:

"Arali seems to want us to go there, for some reason."

Targus:

"Arali? Never heard of her."

* Bernard Blackbrass pretends to not be listening, putting the deck away.

Ezra:

"He's a Suli, or something."

The Drufle:

(she)

The Drufle:

(arali is a woman)

Ezra:

I meant majri

The Drufle:

Oh

Targus:

"Yes, Majri is half-blooded with some efreeti, I believe."

Targus:

"We always made fun of him for that."

Targus:

"One time he got so mad his eyebrows burnt off!"

Seishi Honekawa:

"Two cards"

Ezra:

"You travelled with Majri, then?"

The Drufle:

Two cards, you say?

The Drufle:

For Seishi or the zombie?

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Haha, he sounds like such a punk."

Zombie Tekton:

rwo rards

The Drufle:

Quite then.

The Drufle:

Short intermission from this lovely story to screw over a zombie!

Ezra:

we're going to die

Zombie Tekton:

yes let's

Bernard Blackbrass:

hell no

Hina Takahashi:

ohgod

Bernard Blackbrass:

I hide the deck.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Hmm?"

The Drufle:

Really?

Zombie Tekton:

wanna fight

Bernard Blackbrass:

...

Bernard Blackbrass:

You are so adorable!

Bernard Blackbrass:

Okay sure two cards.

The Drufle:

Alright then!

* Bernard Blackbrass pulls out and holds out the deck.

Ezra:

He doesn't even have hero points

Bernard Blackbrass:

So?

The Drufle:

Alright, first card.

Bernard Blackbrass:

I wasn't using them.

Ezra:

risks are scary!!

Seishi Honekawa:

hero points are fox fixing bad effects

Seishi Honekawa:

we can just make tekton die again!

Seishi Honekawa:

:D

Seishi Honekawa:

:DDD

Bernard Blackbrass:

:D :D

The Drufle:

It bears the picture of a lone man wrapped in clothes, stumbling through a large desert.

The Drufle:

The card reads "The Wanderer".

Seishi Honekawa:

o no

Bernard Blackbrass:

Hey it's Foxx

Bernard Blackbrass:

"..."

* Bernard Blackbrass trembles.

The Drufle:

The zombie is carrying a club, yes?

Seishi Honekawa:

"Is anything happening?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

Yes.

Zombie Tekton:

runno

Bernard Blackbrass:

We think.

Bernard Blackbrass:

ruh oh

The Drufle:

One moment.

Seishi Honekawa:

headlines: dapper tiefling found clubbed to death in middle of desert

Hina Takahashi:

". . .you lot didn't have anything to do with this, did you?"

Seishi Honekawa:

"Do with what?"

The Drufle:

Oh, man, sweet.

Hina Takahashi:

oh

Hina Takahashi:

scratch that i misread

Hina Takahashi:

i thought a scary looking dude actually showed up

The Drufle:

The club the zombie is holding suddenly begins glowing, and morphs a bit.

The Drufle:

It is now an adamantine +4 club of shock worth about 20000 gp.

Seishi Honekawa:

:D

Hina Takahashi:

what.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I built that."

Seishi Honekawa:

"Excellent"

Ezra:

hurm

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Lemme see that."

The Drufle:

For those who don't know, shock gives an extra 1d6 of electric damage on command.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"But first."

Hina Takahashi:

jesus

Ezra:

we got another card

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Card?"

The Drufle:

Yes, one more card.

Seishi Honekawa:

"One more."

The Drufle:

Ok, I need to redraw.

The Drufle:

Some of these cards literally won't work in this occassion.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Hey Seishi, look at /this/!"

Bernard Blackbrass:

Try 'em anyway.

Bernard Blackbrass:

They can just be dead draws.

Ezra:

zombie gets a vision

Ezra:

he can't talk though

Ezra:

we never know

Bernard Blackbrass:

Oh well.

Seishi Honekawa:

he can atlk like scooby doo

Seishi Honekawa:

it is now canon

Ezra:

its also MASSIVE CHEATS

Bernard Blackbrass:

I'll say.

The Drufle:

Alright, here we go.

Ezra:

i aint going to jail

The Drufle:

It's a familiar card!

Hina Takahashi:

TOXIC

The Drufle:

The zombie pulls "The Rabbit Prince".

Bernard Blackbrass:

' 3'

Seishi Honekawa:

what does that do again

Bernard Blackbrass:

I think it lowers my UMD.

The Drufle:

You guys haven't even found out yet.

The Drufle:

No, it doesn't.

Bernard Blackbrass:

hm.

The Drufle:

That card hasn't come into play yet.

Seishi Honekawa:

we have two!

Seishi Honekawa:

hmm

Ezra:

"Okay, nothing exploded over here so we're fine, right?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"You again."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I think Seishi should check out this club."

Seishi Honekawa:

"That was a rousing success."

Ezra:

"On that note, I'm pulling a card."

Targus:

"What's going on out there?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Wait not yet."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"That club turned weird."

Ezra:

"Oh?"

Ezra:

"Ooh."

Targus:

"I thought we were having a conversation, and suddenly I hear something about cards?"

Seishi Honekawa:

Knowledge Arcana Check At-Will • Int Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + KnowledgeArcana + IntBonus = 16 + 4 + 1 = 21 »

Ezra:

I'll roll Appraise!

Bernard Blackbrass:

"We draw from this deck and get strange magical stuff to happen."

* Ezra rolls: 1d20+6 => 14 + 6 = 20

Bernard Blackbrass:

I'll roll Knowledge (Psionics)

Bernard Blackbrass:

Knowledge (Psionics) Check At-Will • IntBonus Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + MiscSkill2 = 12 + 9 = 21 »

Targus:

"Ah, fascinating!"

Bernard Blackbrass:

(I think + weapons work)

The Drufle:

You are all quite aware of what this weapon is.

Bernard Blackbrass:

Wonderbat

Bernard Blackbrass:

Franklin Bat

The Drufle:

It's no longer made of obsidian, and is instead made of a gleaming greenish adamantium!

Seishi Honekawa:

Thunderbat

Seishi Honekawa:

adamantine

The Drufle:

It is sparking with electricity, and glowing with energy.

Ezra:

"That is a very nice weapon."

Bernard Blackbrass:

It was never obsidian. It was just common cave rock.

The Drufle:

Isn't adamantine the adjective?

The Drufle:

Oh, nope.

The Drufle:

It's a noun too.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"..."

Hina Takahashi:

the noun is adamantite right

The Drufle:

Also golurk should write that down before I forget.

Seishi Honekawa:

it can break lots of things now

Bernard Blackbrass:

"...i'm a little jealous."

Seishi Honekawa:

"No takebacks!"

The Drufle:

Weapons fashioned from adamantine have a natural ability to bypass hardness when

The Drufle:

So yeah, noun.

Seishi Honekawa:

":}"

* Bernard Blackbrass sighs.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"No takebacks."

Seishi Honekawa:

"Just think of this as an investment!"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"You do seem worth it huh. You can raise corpses."

* Bernard Blackbrass turns to Ezra.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Can we do this later? I got a bad feeling."

Ezra:

"But you're always so eager."

Seishi Honekawa:

remember when we were trying to get to that penis land

Seishi Honekawa:

hi sanic

The Drufle:

That's still a thing, yes.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Yeah, that's because I could die. But now it's your turn."

Seishi Honekawa:

yo

* Bernard Blackbrass slowly puts the card back.

Bernard Blackbrass:

deck*

The Drufle:

So who is holding the club?

Ezra:

"Well, okay."

The Drufle:

Seishi?

Seishi Honekawa:

zombie tekton

Ezra:

"We should talk to Targus again.

The Drufle:

Alright.

Seishi Honekawa:

hey satonakaja do youw about duck

Seishi Honekawa:

*know

Targus:

"I'm still here!"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Ah, friend."

Targus:

"My, I seem to have fallen into the hands of quite an accomplished party!"

Hina Takahashi:

kind of yes

Targus:

"Magic cards and a nigh-immortal suli, you sure have something interesting about you!

Targus:

"

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Of course, we're still needing food."

Targus:

"Food? I suppose I don't need to eat any more, now that you mention it."

Hina Takahashi:

"We are as interesting as a group trying to survive on Malor can be, really.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Better than watching sand blow."

Targus:

"Absolutely, I believe you."

Targus:

"So, why do you wish to see Freudicon?"

Targus:

"He really is quite a nut, let me tell you."

Targus:

"Never did believe why the emperor employed him as head magus."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Fall guy."

Ezra:

"Well, he's sort of an enemy of an enemy, I guess."

Ezra:

"He could give us some help, maybe."

Targus:

"Ah, of course."

Targus:

"Mayhaps I could assist as well?"

Targus:

"I do seem to be living in an axe at the moment."

Seishi Honekawa:

pls be lawful good

Seishi Honekawa:

or or or

Seishi Honekawa:

be the big bad

Seishi Honekawa:

that's even better

Ezra:

"We'd be happy for your help."

Targus:

"Maybe I could move this around a bit..."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Sure why not."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Probably going to swing you at crap though."

The Drufle:

The greataxe glows for a moment, and transforms into a long lance.

Bernard Blackbrass:

"..."

Seishi Honekawa:

kinky

Targus:

"This is not quite as comfortable."

Hina Takahashi:

". . .it can change forms, then?"

Seishi Honekawa:

Spellcraft Check At-Will • Int Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + Spellcraft + IntBonus = 15 + 7 + 1 = 23 »

Seishi Honekawa:

what hapoen

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Are you at least masterwork...?"

Targus:

"I believe I can only use this form."

Targus:

"I am whatever this axe was before I arrived, I think."

Bernard Blackbrass:

Spellcraft Check At-Will • Int Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + Spellcraft + IntBonus = 6 + 4 + 5 = 15 »

Targus:

"I believe I can manipulate magic to some extent, but not much more."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"You know what... fuck it."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I'll make a new one later."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I can do that."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"You are my lance now."

Targus:

"I can return to the greataxe form if you like."

Hina Takahashi:

"Have you ever even had experience with polearms?"

Targus:

"I believe I can only use these two forms, however."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I've used all sorts of weapons."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I've trained with all military-standard gear."

Hina Takahashi:

"Fair enough."

Bernard Blackbrass:

(Brass, not having to spend money on food, instead put his wages into weapons and blueprints.)

Targus:

"So, how are we going to Oedipia? Teleportation, I presume? Or do you have some form of flight handy?"

Ezra:

"We don't have either of those."

Ezra:

"We're a bit at a loss here."

Ezra:

"All we can really think of is to explore Malor more, and hope we find something."

Targus:

"Really? Well, that's quite a predicament."

Hina Takahashi:

"By how things have been going, I suspect we will be tramping around Malor for several more days now until we can find. . . or more likely, steal something that can take us there."

Targus:

"How were you brought here? Surely you can just use that to travel."

Ezra:

"By jail ship, but those only come every half year or so."

Hina Takahashi:

"Well. . . we came on a ship that won't take us back."

Targus:

"Ah, you are jailors sent by your country?"

Seishi Honekawa:

"I am Seishi Honekawah, divine servant of Yaezhing. Do you know of any personalities that live here that we aren't aware of yet?"

Jikai:

quack

Targus:

"I am not aware of anyone living on Malor, no."

Targus:

"I did not even know Majri was still here!"

Seishi Honekawa:

"Drat."

Ezra:

"We're not jailors, we're assumed criminals."

Hina Takahashi:

"In my case, it is more I was jailed by men of a foreign country and sentenced to try surviving here."

Targus:

"Criminals? Truly?"

Bernard Blackbrass:

-Ezra. Darling.-

Seishi Honekawa:

"Do you know of the settlements here? I have heard of sand and rock men"

Bernard Blackbrass:

-You are way too god damn honest.-

Ezra:

"Well, that's what they thought."

Ezra:

"But they're wrong, and I'd like to tell them that."

Targus:

"Ah, so you are all innocent! The courts are always too busy arguing to do any true JUSTICE."

Ezra:

"Indeed!"

Hina Takahashi:

"Criminal in the sense that I was accused and tried for defending myself and my friends."

Seishi Honekawa:

"JUSTICE! You speak my language."

Hina Takahashi:

JUSTICE

Bernard Blackbrass:

Sense Motive Check At-Will • Wis Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + SenseMotive + WisBonus = 8 + 4 + 3 = 15 »

Bernard Blackbrass:

"I live here."

The Drufle:

What are you sensing, whether or not he's crazy?

Bernard Blackbrass:

Whether or not he's trying to lead us on.

Targus:

"Pardon me, you live here sir tiefling?"

The Drufle:

No, he seems genuinely interested in JUSTICE.

Seishi Honekawa:

Spellcraft Check At-Will • Int Roll: (GM Only) « d20 + Spellcraft + IntBonus = 5 + 7 + 1 = 13 »

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Well yes. Tieflings of my lineage have the natural tendency to get on even in such extreme conditions."

Seishi Honekawa:

I want to guess his ego score

Targus:

"I could not imagine anyone who wasn't insane or immortal living here."

Bernard Blackbrass:

"Even the desert has life, Sir Targus."