Today's log is brought to you by typhoons. Knocking over trees AND internet connections! Yeah!!~~
The Evil Saga! ~ Chapter 17.5: Trapped in Time
Bernard Blackbrass: Ezra is your number 17?
Bernard Blackbrass: are you thinking of 17
Ezra: 17...
Ezra: no
Ezra: its a different number
Ezra: from that one
Bernard Blackbrass: What number?
Ezra: It was 426.
Bernard Blackbrass: Are you thinking of 17 now?
Ezra: No, I really can't stop thinking about 426.
Ezra: It's fairly large, depending on the context.
Ezra: All the digits are even.
Bernard Blackbrass: okay i'm bored
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Bernard Blackbrass: In the meantime
Bernard Blackbrass: I spend the hero point I was about to lose
Ezra: did you level up
Bernard Blackbrass: in order to draw a card.
Ezra: oh ok
The Drufle: Yep!
The Drufle: So!
The Drufle: Brass pulls one card, right?
Bernard Blackbrass: One card.
The Drufle: Alright.
The Drufle: Brass pulls a card and...
The Drufle: The card he pulls is blank.
* Bernard Blackbrass blinks.
* Ezra peeks.
* Bernard Blackbrass shows it to Ezra.
* Ezra blinks.
* Bernard Blackbrass shows it to the tiny monk-robed spiky-haired kid.
* Seishi Honekawa stares at the card.
Ezra: "So has it stopped us from talking or what."
Ezra: "Oh, guess not."
Ezra: "...Nothing?"
Ezra: "That's crap. You should stomp on it."
The Drufle: Yep!
The Drufle: The card is blank and returns itself to the deck.
Bernard Blackbrass: Let's try again.
The Drufle: Sure, why not.
The Drufle: Brass pulls another card and...
The Drufle: It is blank once more.
Bernard Blackbrass: And another.
Ezra: "Hmm..."
Ezra: "Maybe it's broke."
Bernard Blackbrass: If this is the limit then man.
Bernard Blackbrass: If this is a trick card i'm going to freak out.
Ezra: How many did you pull?
Bernard Blackbrass: (like they all become visible)
Bernard Blackbrass: Five.
Bernard Blackbrass: I negated none of them.
Ezra: I have five as well.
Bernard Blackbrass: Yeah but you had the Joke effect.
Bernard Blackbrass: And the Cricket? What was it.
Bernard Blackbrass: Those shouldn't count.
Ezra: The Joke counted as 1, because it happened to me, and then that made me pick another effect.
The Drufle: There are some intricacies to how the cards work, I'll have you know.
Ezra: The Joke probably also applied as a use to ZTekton.
Bernard Blackbrass: Well, rather the 'extra cards' shouldn't count probably.
Ezra: The three cards pulled by the Joke didn't count as uses for me because their effects didn't apply to me?
Ezra: I think that's how this is working.
Ezra: Negated cards would also not count under that logic
Ezra: But we're not sure if that's a thing so eh
Bernard Blackbrass: Let's draw five.
Bernard Blackbrass: Right now.
Ezra: What, me??
Bernard Blackbrass: No, me.
Ezra: go ahead
Ezra: lets all put on our best rpg town themes
The Drufle: Um.
The Drufle: Ok.
The Drufle: Brass pulls five cards and...
The Drufle: Nothing happens.
Ezra: lets draw on them
Ezra: they're all nice and blank
Bernard Blackbrass: Something like that perhaps.
The Drufle: Well, if Ezra wants to try cards she can.
* Bernard Blackbrass holds out the deck to Ezra. -Focus.-
Ezra: Eh??
Bernard Blackbrass: "You should draw."
Ezra: "...Yeah, okay."
Ezra: "I think i've counted it right. It should be blank."
The Drufle: Alright!
The Drufle: Ezra pulls out a card and oh.
The Drufle: It is a picture of a middle-aged lady standing by a bed as a woman sleeps.
The Drufle: It is labelled "The Midwife".
Ezra: "Wait a minute..."
Bernard Blackbrass: More pregnancy references.
Ezra: okay so am i pregnant again
The Drufle: Ezra, you have gained a level.
Bernard Blackbrass: Sweet!
Ezra: woah waht
Ezra: what no catch
* Bernard Blackbrass grins.
Ezra: am i not an unwed teenage mother
Bernard Blackbrass: "I think it likes you."
Ezra: (relatively teenage i guess)
Ezra: (i mean i am actually 60 but)
The Drufle: No catch.
The Drufle: None at all.
The Drufle: You are now uh.
The Drufle: Level 6?
Bernard Blackbrass: You're one step closer to killing Lucifer.
The Drufle: I forget what level you guys are.
Ezra: yep
The Drufle: Alright, that's yours.
Bernard Blackbrass: And you have another hero point.
Bernard Blackbrass: You should probably spend it or something.
Ezra: actually i didn't even use a point on that
Ezra: how irresponsible
Bernard Blackbrass: Well you got one now.
Bernard Blackbrass: Maybe there's another EXP card you will draw.
Bernard Blackbrass: (or you'll draw an equivalent of the Void)
Bernard Blackbrass: (and will be deleted forever)
The Drufle: You could draw more cards if you like.
Ezra: now i can run on water
Ezra: i can move across the surface of a liquid but i can't finish my turn on it
Bernard Blackbrass: Man
Bernard Blackbrass: if you were Naruto you could stand on it.
Bernard Blackbrass: He's making you look bad.
Ezra: narutos a jerk
Ezra: back in ninja high school
Ezra: such a bully
Bernard Blackbrass: Believe it!
* Bernard Blackbrass seems eager for Ezra to draw another card.
Bernard Blackbrass: -Focus.-
Ezra: I'd like to leave it there for now
* Bernard Blackbrass seems to withdraw into his own mind for a moment.
Bernard Blackbrass: "Someone is here Targus. Do you feel that?"
Bernard Blackbrass: (yes, these were spoken)
Targus: "Someone who?"
Bernard Blackbrass: "Someone alien."
Targus: "Oh, I do believe something is near."
* Bernard Blackbrass peeks about.
* Bernard Blackbrass looks high up the trees.
* Bernard Blackbrass looks down at his knees.
* Bernard Blackbrass asks Ezra to search with him please.
* Bernard Blackbrass feels an itch, something like fleas.
Ezra: What roll perception
Ezra: its +7 now btw
The Drufle: ?
The Drufle: I dunno, maybe.
* Ezra rolls: 1d20+7 => 10 + 7 = 17
Ezra: "What am I looking for?"
The Drufle: Good question, I'm not quite sure.
The Drufle: Also, tokentool is acting up.
The Drufle: So, we're gonna have to not have a pog quite yet.
Ezra: acting up how
The Drufle: I don't really know.
The Drufle: I think the screen capture thing is odd.
The Drufle: I'll have to try later.
The Drufle: Point is, Brass has a special friend.
Ezra: its better saving the image and then dragging it in from the folder
Ezra: its an odd program
The Drufle: Yeah, true.
The Drufle: I still don't want to mess with it quite mess.
Ezra: that didn't quite make sense
Ezra: that sentence i mean
The Drufle: Oh.
The Drufle: Yeah, I'm a little sidetracked trying to figure this out.
The Drufle: If Brass was still around, he would tell you that he now has a psicrystal!
The Drufle: A special little piece of him that has manifested to give him powers.
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Bernard Blackbrass: "How do you feel?"
Ezra: "I feel more...uhm...experienced? I'm not sure how to put it."
Bernard Blackbrass: "Would you draw another, kindly?"
Bernard Blackbrass: "It would help my research immensely."
Bernard Blackbrass: (Draw another card for the nice bad man)
Ezra: i could get weapon focus, or maybe another feat
Ezra: or maybe smoke bombs
Bernard Blackbrass: Weapon Focus, kind of middling if you're not a Fighter.
Ezra: sudden disguise is cool
Ezra: not sure how much use i'll get from it though
Ezra: alhtough with disguise self they get a will save to get through the illusion
Ezra: seems like a weak point
Ezra: maybe ill get better PUNCHING
Ezra: i've applied my level up but i don't have my ninja trick yet
Bernard Blackbrass: Dwell on it.
Bernard Blackbrass: Meanwhile Drufle
Ezra: now i have 44 hp
Bernard Blackbrass: I think I want to talk to
Bernard Blackbrass: Targus and this crystal.
Bernard Blackbrass: And I get the feeling Streak can play the crystal.
Bernard Blackbrass: (it's feminine)
Ezra: I can try sure
Ezra: btw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VtWgZr_mzk
Ezra: althoguh maybe this is too nice for this filthy town
Ezra: we don't know yet
Bernard Blackbrass: It's good. And that is the problem
Bernard Blackbrass: we are Evil.
Bernard Blackbrass: Our arrival heralds oncoming tyranny and woe.
Ezra: yeah but before the tyranny its all nice
Ezra: we can get to the tyranny later
Ezra: i want to buy some knifes
Ezra: i can't really conceal flame swords can i
Ezra: well maybe i can i haveb't looked at the rules
Ezra: all the best ninjas got knifes though
Bernard Blackbrass: All the minmaxing ninjas have shurikens (for some dumbass reason).
Ezra: im more of a 'for coolness' ninja
Ezra: watch me backflip
Bernard Blackbrass: Shurikens are cool.
The Drufle: Yeah, nothing can really happen right now.
* Ezra rolls: 1d20+14 => 10 + 14 = 24
* Ezra rolls: 1d20+14 => 13 + 14 = 27
* Ezra rolls: 1d20+14 => 10 + 14 = 24
The Drufle: Which is why I wanted to postpone the session.
Ezra: yeah!
Bernard Blackbrass: Those are cool flips.
Bernard Blackbrass: Draw the card! Draw the card!
Ezra: i like how my modifier was higher than 3 rolls
Bernard Blackbrass: Listen to Brass and draw a card!
Ezra: check out my sneak roll
* Ezra rolls: 1d20+16 => 2 + 16 = 18
Bernard Blackbrass: Listening to Brass worked out so good.
* Brass rolls: 1d20+13 => 9 + 13 = 22
Bernard Blackbrass: I see you.
Ezra: Man we may as well while we're stuck in this timeless limbo.
Bernard Blackbrass: Don't forget - use that Hero Point.
Ezra: I'm spending a point though
Bernard Blackbrass: Sweet!
Ezra: So are you sure you drew 5?
Bernard Blackbrass: With no bonus cards.
Ezra: Maybe the maximum varies.
Bernard Blackbrass: So you should be able to keep going.
Ezra: Hmm, you think?
Bernard Blackbrass: I have other theories.
Ezra: So only the willfully drawn ones count.
Bernard Blackbrass: MAYBe.
Bernard Blackbrass: May as well draw.
Ezra: That would make sense, because what would happen if you drew The Joke on your last allowed card?
Ezra: the willful rule makes that not an issue
The Drufle: Do you want to draw another card?
Ezra: Yes, and I'll spend a point.
Bernard Blackbrass: And since you forgot to add a hero point
Bernard Blackbrass: you're still at 2 then.
Bernard Blackbrass: (unless maybe you forgot to add from a previous level too.)
Ezra: probably
Bernard Blackbrass: I didn't check.
Ezra: i forgot to keep track of it this past while
Bernard Blackbrass: I know you didn't add it going to level 6, you'd have been at 3.
Bernard Blackbrass: The reason I drew a card today was because I was at 3 anyway.
Ezra: so what's this log, 17.5?
Bernard Blackbrass: I guess I could spend it on a game hint.
Ezra: we go right
Ezra: find the goalpost
The Drufle: Alright, one sec.
The Drufle: I'll look for another card.
Ezra: they're just lying all over his room
Ezra: hidden in corners
Bernard Blackbrass: under his covers
Bernard Blackbrass: serving as bookmarks
The Drufle: Wow, ok.
Ezra: he finds one with a picture of brass as superman
Ezra: lookin real smug
Bernard Blackbrass: Behind him is Jenna Batman with a green rock
The Drufle: Ezra pulls a card with a picture of a gold-clad paladin holding a large sword stuck in the ground.
The Drufle: It is labelled "The Paladin".
Bernard Blackbrass: o-o
Bernard Blackbrass: Does she have to fight a Paladin?
Ezra: the twist is that this is a super evil card
The Drufle: Nope.
The Drufle: From the card rises a large, shining silver broadsword.
Ezra: "Urp."
The Drufle: It is a holy avenger, with the special ability that it can summon a paladin once!
* Bernard Blackbrass stares at the sword in somewhat horror.
* Bernard Blackbrass seethes.
Ezra: "Geez, this is big."
Ezra: i'm 5ft tall so i can use this real effectively
* Bernard Blackbrass backs away from the blade.
Ezra: how tall is a broadsword because i'd love if it were actually taller than me
Ezra: hina uses broadswords right
The Drufle: Uh, one sec.
The Drufle: Let me look.
Ezra: also this paladin...does it actually fight FOR us
The Drufle: Oh, it's a longsword.
Ezra: everyone put up their lead sheets
Ezra: we're good guys
Bernard Blackbrass: -I wouldn't touch it.-
Bernard Blackbrass: -Let the human or birdthing touch it.0
Ezra: I already implied I was holding it though
Ezra: Although it does feel a bit intimidating.
The Drufle: It will fight for you, I think.
The Drufle: Oh, wait.
The Drufle: It will only do things that its alignment allows.
The Drufle: It will listen to you though.
Ezra: I assume that's Lawful Good
Bernard Blackbrass: Paladins can associate with anyone who isn't Evil without penalty.
Bernard Blackbrass: Paladins are totally cool with hanging out with Captain Jack Sparrow.
Ezra: Maybe I should give this to Hina then
Ezra: she must have like 7 weapons by now
Bernard Blackbrass: http://funnycatwallpapers.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/grumpy-cat-good-1.jpg
Ezra: good good
Ezra: I give the HOLY AVENGER to Hina then
Bernard Blackbrass: I like how the designers of this deck assumed we'd be Good adventurers.
Bernard Blackbrass: That's not sarcasm either. Now some of the LG stuff hurts us.
Ezra: well we could use it fine
Ezra: just not for evil stuff
Bernard Blackbrass: We could sell the sword if need be.
Ezra: it can't detect our alignment unless we tell it to can it
Bernard Blackbrass: "Yeah, Hina. You take it" Brass says, suddenly breaking telepathy.
Ezra: as long as we're not asking it to kill babies or policemen we're fine
Bernard Blackbrass: "Just... keep that thing away from me."
Ezra: or baby policemen
Ezra: who gave that baby a gun
Bernard Blackbrass: It's not only Good, it's fuckin' Silver.
Bernard Blackbrass: Devils hate silver.
Ezra: well we only half hate it then
Ezra: the other half...is love
Bernard Blackbrass: You think Hina will be pleased?
Bernard Blackbrass: Never drew a card, benefitted from it anyway?
Ezra: Well, Seishi got a fancy club
Ezra: we should raise mroe things to pull cards at a distance of about 200 ft to avoid all explosions that may occur
Ezra: then just grind it
Ezra: for years
Ezra: then go beat up majri by piling him with clubs
Ezra: we'll put them in a big bag, and just release it
Ezra: when he's gardening
Bernard Blackbrass: He'll never know what hit him.
Bernard Blackbrass: I'm not sure I do either.
Ezra: majris gotta have hobbies
Ezra: he doesn't just sit on the throne all day does he
Ezra: do you think that throne is also a toilet
Ezra: maybe he's that lazy
Bernard Blackbrass: I do think a 'toilet' is also called a 'throne'.
Ezra: its all coming together
Bernard Blackbrass: Majri fries people from his shitter, no wonder he doesn't give a crap.
Ezra: man this is great we should do stand up while we're in town
The Drufle: You're doing surprising amounts of progress without actually doing anything.
Bernard Blackbrass: Speaking is free action.
Ezra: yeah this time limbo is great
Ezra: is pulling a card a free action
Bernard Blackbrass: So are drawing cards. Ezra leveled in a free action today.
Ezra: woohoo
--------------------------------
Ezra: i should make my dojo look nice
SO SHE DID.
Bernard Blackbrass: Bet that makes a badass trophy statue.
The Drufle: Yeah, you could like
The Drufle: Stuff it or something.
Bernard Blackbrass: Nah just preserve it.
Bernard Blackbrass: When the dojo comes under attack it comes to life.
Ezra: hope all this drawing is actually getting through to the server
The Drufle: Yup.
Ezra: i guess thats all for now
Ezra: those weird lines on the right are stairs to next levels
Ezra: all the other levels are probably similar to this
The Drufle: Cool!
The Drufle: Do you want to write what each room is?
The Drufle: Or should we do that later?
Ezra: maybe its best that be a vague thing
Bernard Blackbrass: Which room has the rocks?
Ezra: some are bedrooms and storage rooms and toilets
Ezra: they're just full of toilets
Ezra: lined up in rows
Bernard Blackbrass: Stolen Toilets
Ezra: ninjas actually shit in the woods though
Ezra: no ones ever seen it
Bernard Blackbrass: every third toilet contains a ninja
Bernard Blackbrass: Those darn ninjas
Bernard Blackbrass: bet Majri never has to deal with uppity ninjas.
Bernard Blackbrass: Oh wait.
Ezra: on the very top floor is ezra's private room
The Drufle: Ooooh.
The Drufle: Wait, why is the background blue.
Ezra: its meant to be a swampy green
Bernard Blackbrass: Because all evil ninja dojos are in swamps.
Ezra: well more of a jungley swamp thing
Ezra: the green stuff is tall grass
Ezra: probably muddy
The Drufle: Alright then.
Ezra: yeah this is a solid floorplan right here
Bernard Blackbrass: Rocks!
Ezra: Rolls.
Bernard Blackbrass: delicious rolls
Bernard Blackbrass: scrumptious rocks
The Drufle: Rock and roll, friends.
Bernard Blackbrass: Totally metal
The Drufle: What genre of music is Ezra?
Ezra: Revenge of Shinobi soundtrack
Bernard Blackbrass: Is she Running In The Nineties
Ezra: and also the sequel
Bernard Blackbrass: http://youtu.be/XCiDuy4mrWU
Bernard Blackbrass: brb, ate too many rocks
Bernard Blackbrass: Brass helps set up the centipede with the LED red eyes to look ready to strike and metal as f*ck.
---------------------------------
Ezra: maybe we should close the server now
Ezra: log it up
Ezra: stick it to the man
Bernard Blackbrass: Just a sec man.
The Drufle: One moment, looking over some semantics.
Ezra: Well...I'm busy too!!
Ezra: I got all kinds of things going on. Gotta go find...the...info.
Bernard Blackbrass: Log up to this point so far.
Ezra: The clue...to the mystery.
Ezra: Secret.
-------------------------------
The Drufle: Alright, I think Brass and I have come upon a conclusion.
Ezra: am i fired
The Drufle: No.
The Drufle: So, we're gonna have some weird things happen.
Bernard Blackbrass: Weird secret things.
The Drufle: According to some rules, Brass' psicrystal is going to pull two cards.
Bernard Blackbrass: damn
Ezra: wbuhhuh
The Drufle: Apparently, I can't find a reason for that not to work.
Bernard Blackbrass: Of course, dead draws are dead draws.
Bernard Blackbrass: They happen.
The Drufle: ...
Bernard Blackbrass: Man. 3.5e psicrystals are known for epic-level fuckeries.
The Drufle: Interesting.
Ezra: you know as DM, you should just nuke brass instead
Ezra: blam blam
The Drufle: I could, yes.
The Drufle: This is more interesting.
Ezra: brass steals the nuke
The Drufle: The first card is a vast expanse of dunes and sand, with nothing to be seen.
Bernard Blackbrass: (he's going to really)
The Drufle: It is labelled "The Desert".
Bernard Blackbrass: I WAS... fuck it. Let's see what happens.
The Drufle: The psicrystal now has a one-time power to teleport itself and up to 10 allies and 2000 pounds of goods to any position in the plane he knows of.
Bernard Blackbrass: *snickers*
The Drufle: Well, nuts.
Ezra: One-time, eh?
Ezra: thats interesting
The Drufle: Yes.
The Drufle: As for the other card...
Bernard Blackbrass: *drumroll*
* Bernard Blackbrass eats from a popcorn tub of rocks.
Ezra: explod??
Bernard Blackbrass: buttered rocks
The Drufle: It shows a picture of a festive man tossing multiple balls and clubs into the air.
Bernard Blackbrass: I am losing it here.
The Drufle: It is labelled "The Juggler".
The Drufle: Now, quick question.
Bernard Blackbrass: Does it gain a level?
The Drufle: Does the psicrystal have ability scores?
Bernard Blackbrass: Yes.
Bernard Blackbrass: It is a Construct-type creature.
The Drufle: Alright then.
The Drufle: You must add +2 to two of his ability scores.
The Drufle: And then swap them.
Bernard Blackbrass: uhh.
Bernard Blackbrass: ...what /are/ my scores.
Bernard Blackbrass: Hmm.
Bernard Blackbrass: I wonder what happens if I switch CON with WIS or CHA.
Bernard Blackbrass: Bet that opens up lots of glitches in basic logic.
Bernard Blackbrass: Wonder what Golurk would say.
Ezra: CAW CAW CAW
Bernard Blackbrass: Bet he'd lose his shit that I broke the game.
Ezra: that's what he told me to say
Bernard Blackbrass: took a piss in the CPU case.
Ezra: so are we just going to abuse this deck until the fateful day that it kills us all
Ezra: i feel like thats the lesson we'll learn here
Bernard Blackbrass: http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b360/gidneyncloyd/CalvinPiss2.jpg
Bernard Blackbrass: Screw the deck, i'm figuring out how to milk this psicrystal shit.
Bernard Blackbrass: See
Ezra: this entire adventure is just an after school special about not doing drugs
Bernard Blackbrass: it doesn't have a strength or dex score until I will it to.
Bernard Blackbrass: What happens if I add +2 to something and switch?
Bernard Blackbrass: Do I get a permanently on score?
Ezra: i think it'd just be boosted when you will it on?
Bernard Blackbrass: Then the nonsense questions like what happens if you switch Strength on but no Dexterity.
Ezra: i don't really understand it
Bernard Blackbrass: That's such a first-take answer!
Bernard Blackbrass: (probably for the best)
Ezra: but it makes sense
Bernard Blackbrass: Okay but seriously, what /are/ the scores?
The Drufle: You tell me.
Ezra: you're the psion!
Bernard Blackbrass: I'm uh
Bernard Blackbrass: i'm gonna need some time for that one.
Ezra: we got until next week anyway
Bernard Blackbrass: This is getting incredibly close to the 3.5 psicrystal exploit
The Drufle: Of course.
Bernard Blackbrass: where you can make them smarter than the psion.
The Drufle: Any time you want, go ahead and change it.
Bernard Blackbrass: Stronger too.
The Drufle: Just tell me what you do with it.
Bernard Blackbrass: Okay, thank you.
Ezra: thats a fun card
Ezra: i'd switch my CHA and INT, maybe
Bernard Blackbrass: You'd get a shitload of skill points.
Ezra: my cha would stay at 16 but i'd get 18 int
Bernard Blackbrass: Actually
Bernard Blackbrass: you'd get +2 in both, remember.
Ezra: yes, my int is 14
Ezra: so it'd become 16
Bernard Blackbrass: But your CHA is what now?
Ezra: 16
Ezra: so that becoems the 18
Bernard Blackbrass: Maybe I was thinking of DEX.
Bernard Blackbrass: Man, if you were wearing one of those stat boosters
Bernard Blackbrass: and wore it for at least 24 hours
Ezra: i'd get 12 more skill points rihgt away
Bernard Blackbrass: under PF rules it counts as 'permanent' until you take it off.
Bernard Blackbrass: The Juggler is one of those things that was designed to rip open the game console.
Bernard Blackbrass: Then cross some wires.
Bernard Blackbrass: take a fucking crowbar to it.
Bernard Blackbrass: Like that temple trap.
Ezra: switch wis with dex and fuck myself right up
Bernard Blackbrass: Gonna give this shit a con score
Bernard Blackbrass: keep all the bonuses
Ezra: become a monk or something
Bernard Blackbrass: and the construct immunities!
Ezra: Punch Ezra
Bernard Blackbrass: Then switch its STR and CON
Bernard Blackbrass: Can't take ability damage!
Bernard Blackbrass: (ha ha ha ha ha)
Bernard Blackbrass: Can be healed by magic!
Ezra: so you're one of those kinds of psionics now
Ezra: the ones that break universes
Bernard Blackbrass: Not the type that breaks the game to be all-powerful
Ezra: im so proud
Bernard Blackbrass: the type that breaks the game to see the kill screens.
WELL THATS NOT FOREBODING AT ALL. GOODBYE.